Game Theory
Exit Interviews Are a Trap
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30908551
You should definitely go to an exit interview. In the case of a sour breakup, you should 100% lie. Just say it was great but you were in need for a change. Don't dramatize the lying part because you lied to get in and the employer lied about how great their company is. Work is a lie, play the game.
In the case of a drama-free breakup, when pressed for feedback and the room being receptive of it, do share your thoughts. But toned down, in a light hearted manner. Comment on things and processes, not people. This gives the impression "helpful until the end".
Both ways are a clean exit, with no bridges burned. There might come a time in your life where you're less desirable on the market, having intact relations can make a huge difference then.
You should internalize the dishonesty as a type of strength, because that's what it is in this context. In a sour breakup, you're given the perfect opportunity for revenge, with little immediate consequences.
Your ex-boss Tim is an asshole. He knows he is. And you know he is. You now have the opportunity to finally say it to his face.
Applying silence in this situation is powerful. It says so much more. I could harm you right now, but I chose not to. This radiates self control, which is widely respected. Meanwhile, Tim was looking forward to a good burn and argument, but didn't get any. He feels submissive, like a Roman emperor giving him a thumbs up, allowed to live another day.
And that's how you play it. Alternatively, you can be 21 years old and post on Medium "7 reasons why I quite company X after 8 months". Let me know how that goes.
As someone who has done exit interviews on both sides some quick notes:
- I would dial back dramatic sweeping criticism. Now is not the time to relitigate every grievance, claim doom will befall company etc.
- Treat it as any other feedback cycle. Here's what was working well, here some areas I might look at improving. Keep it light and friendly.
- Do a slight "I" perspective. I'm moving for higher pay and to have a bit of a bigger role / influence on decisions etc. I'm moving in part because progression options were unclear to me. I'm moving in part to be able to do a masters program with an EAP program, start a retirement plan match (401K) etc.
I had great references from all my former employers AND I did the exit interviews they wanted. They were friendly.
I left one very very cushy job, did a very friendly exit interview, they hired me back on as a consultant at x times my normal rate. It really worked out better. I'd had a split reporting structure internally (nightmare), and when I came back consulting each project had a clear "customer" I could work with / manage against. Everyone was happier. When I left I just said, One area that was tricky for me was the split reporting structure which made it harder to prioritize my work. When I consulted I had a point of contact clearly defined.
- I think this is good advice. I treat these interviews as an opportunity to keep a door to return to the company in different circumstances. When you look at folks working in FAANG (or other cohorts of big companies), there is quite a bit of movement back and forth over time. It might not seem like it, but HR records can still be hanging around when you interview in a different department a couple of years later. They often shield these some from hiring managers, but they get connected up eventually.